The most efficiently hostile farewell email ever sent by a departing coworker.

Great, but had this employee not waited to quit before sending this out, he might have significantly improved people's behavior by keeping them on their toes. That's why we're going to start sending out one of these at the end of every day. The subject line will read, "Where You Stand With Me As Of [Today's Date]" and it will include far fewer angry expletives and far more flowery descriptions about what we would like to do to our coworkers sexually. Office morale is about to get a whole lot hotter.