If Morgan Freeman narrated Fifty Shades of Grey.

You wouldn't think a hacky piece of bargain-bin erotica about a creepily Oedipal sadomasochistic relationship between a prepostrously well-traveled bachelor and his naive whipping girl would need any "classing up," yet here's audial proof that Morgan Freeman's velvety dulcet tones can make anything from quasi-incestual fantasies to implied cat rape sound soothing. This is much better than our 8-track edition of Bobcat Goldthwait Reads Lady Chatterley's Lover, or our well-worn vinyl copy of Werner Herzog Describes Debbie Does Dallas.