Tiny Little Movie Review: The Expendables 2

Expendables 2 answers a lot of the questions that Expendables 1 posited. Like, how does one divvy screen time amongst a mass of pumped up prima donnas? Or, how much is too much on the botox budget? 2 does what 1 did, only more of it, which is either awesome or you’re not interested, and you probably already know who you are.

What you might not know is that JCVD is in this one and he’s a villain’s villain. We’re used to seeing him play a good guy who grudgingly has to fight once he’s pushed too far or made aware of a plight. But his Brussels Sprout accent and maybe real/maybe acting arrogance are perfect for villainy. I was only thrown off once by a question that I’ll put to you now so that it won’t pop into your head mid-movie: Does an international super-villain ever have to go to Walmart? You want to say, “no, that’s minion work” and your point is well made. But super-villains want stuff to be exact. If you’re going to (spoiler alert!) kick a knife into someone, well, you’re a stickler for details. So the minion goes to Walmart to get an extension cord or trash bags or something, think about the options! There’s almost no way he’s going to guess at the right one out of all those choices. So, does the super-villain make a detailed list? I don’t see Jean writing down- The ones with the drawstring, double strength! Double! So I’m just not sure.

If you happen to be a super-villain reading this, could you let me know? Or get a minion to tell me? Or maybe Expendables 3 will clear it up.